The Cost of Mommy Bragging

CONFESSIONS:

1. "I don't understand how women would EVER leave their kids in someone else's care. They say they need a break? Don't you have kids because you actually like them?"

 

Esmond's blessing day

2. "I'll just do the breathing I have practiced for the last nine months and I'll be able to manage labour. The women who lose it, don't do deep breathing like they should be."

 

Yes, that's me at 9 months pregnant with Ezzy. On top of the world! Thank you 22yr old me for making me terrified to cough or sneeze this pregnancy...

3. "I have a really high pain tolerance. It shouldn't be too bad."

4. "My newborn sleeps through the night! SO awesome!... Wait, is this normal?"

 

I love Julia's newborn sleepy smile

5. "My child is only 16 months old and she's already pooping on the toilet. SHE tells ME she wants to go."

6. "I haven't had to change a poopy diaper in a while!"

                                            Esmond's first bath, and first of many pees on the floor... :)


7. "I'm a pretty patient person. I can't see myself losing it on my kids like I see others do."

 

Certainly not when they look THIS adorable!

8. "I never get sick when I'm pregnant!"

 

Glowing and pregnant with Julia. Immune system still working.

I have been cringing the entire time while recalling saying these things. The regretful list is much longer, but for the sake of time, I won't add any more. If there's one thing I have learned since the moment I was first pregnant, it is to NEVER judge, and most of all bragging is just daring the future to prove you wrong. Clearly, it's a lesson I haven't learned yet, as I still keep saying things to other moms and family members that somehow make me feel that I'm mastering this parenting thing. NO. I can't think of a moment where I have bragged to someone else, googled to see if I was the only lucky one, or just thought to myself smugly that it actually turned out to be something I had control over.


Let's talk about number one. Naive and completely in love with my little newborn, I couldn't see how I could ever want to be separated from him. Now he is 3, with a 1.5yr old sister, and I have seen that taking some time for myself is not only enjoyable, but completely necessary for my happiness in motherhood. Mothers, make time for yourselves, everyone benefits from this practice!


Number two, ooo I really do cringe at. There comes a stage in labour that no amount of breathing will make it "a breeze." I honestly felt lied to once I hit transition and no matter how much you prepare, experience is the best teacher. Number three was also in reference to labour, and who am I kidding? Birthing a baby is no walk in the park! I've also learned that every birth experience is different and pain is not relative. You can't compare pain tolerance as it is so completely individual.

Number four was my first googling experience. The night I typed in how many hours Julia slept, was the night she stopped sleeping like a champ. No joke, saddest thing to experience, but I've learned that even google can monitor bragging moms and put us right back where we belong.

 Number five... Yikes, this one only happened two days ago. Let's just say the day started out full of pride and ended in a whole lot of poopy mess. After leaving her on her potty for too long, I came in to poopy toys and books...Still not quite sure how that happened. Later in the day, I don't know how, but she managed to get poop in eight different spots in our livingroom. EIGHT! The first one I stepped in, and I am SO glad Steven was home to change her diaper so I could find the leaked on spots. And with brown carpets, the only way was to sniff every inch of our carpet, every toy and every book. And before you all think I was crazy enough to put a 16 month old in undies, this was in a diaper... Yes, my friends, that is the cost of bragging.

Number six usually ends up (I say this, because I have said this after many potty successes...) with weeks upon weeks of blowouts or potty refusal. DO NOT challenge the future, I'm serious people, it really does happen way to often.

Number seven, I think both Steven and I learned once we had a child that could actually talk back to us. Even if you can't hear real words in English or Spanish coming out of a kids mouth, tone and body language are pretty clear. Many instances of thrown food, toys or breakable items have taught me that I seriously lack patience. I have learned not to pray and ask for more patience, because, I'm afraid what lessons will be sent my way. This is where the deep labour breathing has proved to be the most successful. Sure, I look like a crazy lady, but I find I can dig deeper to find that sliver of patience I used to brag about.

Which brings me to the last thing I wish I never said about myself. With Esmond and Julia, it is true, I rarely got sick. I did get the flu once with Julia that was pretty horrific, but it was over in 24 hours and I was back to being my normal no-energy self. Morning sickness and exhaustion, sure, and plenty of it. But no colds or fevers that were noteworthy. With this pregnancy there has maybe been 3 days since the morning sickness wore off that I have felt 100% and had no hacking cough, achy body or exploding headache. Yes, lesson learned there, 6 months too late.

I was lamenting to my Mom a month or so ago about how sick I've been and how it isn't fair. She helped me to realize that some people are born empathetic/sympathetic. They are generally the people you would be happy to have over in your lowest moments, because you know they would understand what you need. And then there's those who have to learn it. The hard, painful and dirty way. I remember countless times friends and family accusing me of being judgemental and all I ever thought was that they were too sensitive. But I realized now, that this natural ability that some have, I seriously lacked. I have felt more empathy, love and kindness towards those around me that are struggling and seem to have trial after trial. I have learned to seek to listen more that I can be more helpful and understanding rather than just waiting until it's my turn to talk. To those of you who I have offended in the past or will offend in the future, I am truly sorry. I hope that I can be more available to those who need it, instead of wallowing in my own self pity. I am trying to stop comparing and start loving as I know that's what all we parents need! I also want you all to know that I am learning to have more humility... One prideful bragging blunder at a time.

I'm baaacck... Julia Turns ONE

Well it’s been awhile since I have written.I haven’t had the brain to be able to type anything these days. I’ve been in strict survival mode as my baby has become a toddler and I have tried to keep up with two toddlers. As both kids seem to need to press the power key, delete or Page Down, it's been pretty impossible to post anything. In fact, I've been wrestling off Ezzy as I try to finish this post. However, since Julia just had her first birthday yesterday, I felt I should blog about it. We had her party a couple days ago and I was so touched by all the people who came to celebrate and I am so grateful for everyone’s great gifts!! Wow! I can’t believe I have a one year old and a two year old! It sounds much more crazy saying it that way, than saying I have an almost three year old haha. What can I say? I’m slightly insane..

I can’t believe how time has flown and all the wonderful things Julia has experienced her first year of life. Oh how I love my beautiful little thumb sucker. I have been warned by countless people about how it will ruin her teeth and whatnot, but I figure, with my genes, she’s already done for, so I might as well get a little peace haha. Not to mention, I haven’t really been successful at any attempts to stop her thumbsucking since she does it in her sleep as well. If she can end up in my bed without me waking up ( I somehow manage to get out of bed, walk to her crib and bring her into bed without remembering…) there’s no way I can monitor her thumbsucking.

She is a very tactile baby and always has one thumb in her mouth and her other hand holding her pigtail or, if she’s on my back being carried, she’ll try to rip enough hair off my head to get a handful. It’s particularly painful if my hair is in a ponytail. When she’s sleepy, she becomes very snuggly and cuddly. I love when she loops her arm around my neck and rests her head on my shoulder. She started walking just before she turned 11 months and was taking steps at 8.5 months. She’s always on the go! She is a lot like Esmond was at her age in the sense that she always loves to be leaving the house. As soon as a door opens, she runs to get through it. And if it closes before she escapes, she’s devastated. She loves playing in the backyard and climbing everything she possibly can. Right now, her favourite thing to climb is a kids slide that is about 3.5 feet tall. She’ll climb up the slide with her sticky hands and feet and just sit or stand at the top of it. She likes to give me regular heart attacks. There’s definitely no boredom in this house! She has just started signing for milk or “leche” as I call it and it’s so fun to see her start communicating in more than just shrieks. She is amazing at sitting still and letting me do her hair as long as she has a toy or something exciting to play with. I love that she puts up with my need to style her hair whenever we go out. What a trooper!Food has been another love for Julia. As long as she is hungry she’ll eat almost anything. There are few things she doesn’t like, but I can’t really remember off the top of my head what those are. I can give her half a banana and she eats it all up just fine. It’s amazing how fast she can eat things. I tend to check her highchair regularly to make sure her food isn’t smashed down one of the sides, but I rarely find food unless it’s tiny bits of food. 

It has been fun the last few weeks to see that Steven can now put Julia to sleep. It warms my heart to see her cuddle with him and fall asleep. Steven is such a wonderful father. And it’s been so much fun to see their relationship bloom. It's so comforting to know that she trusts and loves her Daddy.

She’s started teething again and I think it’s particularly painful this time since it’s the molars coming in and they’re a lot bigger. Julia is really handling it like a champ and only fusses a little, but it makes me sad to see her in pain. 

 What a spunky little girl Jules is turning out to be. She is VERY determined and if you get in her way, she’ll let you know by her signature screech. She also will punish you if you stand by and do nothing to defend her. For example, Esmond stole her toy and she ran over to me crying and bit my arm. A few hours later, he said she couldn’t have a cracker and she ran over to me and bit my leg… What is that?? I’m still a little unsure about how to go about this one… Poor Esmond has no idea what to do either as he just stands in shock and cries when she bites him. I’m glad he hasn’t developed the need to retaliate immediately and I usually have enough time to whisk him away from her. As Esmond never bit anyone, it’s proving to be quite the learning curve for me. It must really feel like her only defense as she never really hits or kicks. Well, I sure do love my little girl and as I review this last year that I’ve had with her, I can’t believe it’s only been a year and at the same time, I feel like I’m living life in fast forward. It really is true that the older you get, the younger everyone seems. All the more reason to enjoy every moment! 

Through the Eyes of a Toddler

I love mornings, mornings are my favourite!
Written by Esmond Richard Oakes

6:30 AM
Ahh, I'm awake. Good morning pillow, good morning blanket, good morning room, good morning Mommy and Daddy, g- wait a second, where is every one?!?! Why is it dark? I have to peeeee someone help! Maybe if I get louder and louder someone will eventually get me out of here! Why are they taking so long!

6:31
Yes! I knew he couldn't sleep through that... Good morning Daddy, I have to pee! No, don't put my toilet seat frontwards, we've been through this, I NEED it to be backwards. That's good. Now don't do that again. Ever.

6:32
Ooo I'm STARVING! Bread? Yogurt? Milk? Bread? Bread? Bread? Breeaaaadd! Daddy why are you walking away from me?! Oh. You're just making some toast. No, not in the toaster, in the toaster oven. There ya go, Yaaaayy!

6:35
Prayer time? Ok. Something something bread, Amen.

6:45
Mmmm two bites of toast and I'm stuffed! Ok, I'm ready to play! Is Mommy still in bed? I'm going to go wake her up. Hey, Jules is there too! Let's all wake up! Good morning Mommy, good morning Jules! Hmm, Jules is still sleeping *whack* wakkke upppp! Hi Jules :) FULL BODY HUG! Aw, Mom, she's fine, she likes when I give her an "Anaconda squeeezzee" Don't you Jules? See? She's smiling!

........

12 Pm
.... Wow I have had hours of exploration and fun, and it's been pretty sweet. Let's see, each egg taken out of the carton and licked thoroughly? Check. Hopefully Mum won't notice this time, I did leave them neatly in a line on the second shelf. Not one crack, and now they're clean too! Did I put all my toys in the fridge today? Oh yes, that was fun. I took a drink from the bathroom sink ALL BY MYSELF! I then got a cup and filled it for Mommy. I even put it on the bed right behind her when she was nursing Jules to surprise her. She is always thirsty and she looked pretty funny jumping out of bed so fast and dripping wet. Then I sat on Julia for a full 2 seconds (possibly longer) before Mommy noticed and I KNOW she thought it was funny. Whenever she turns away her head, and tries to be serious, I know she is holding back a laugh. I'm pretty funny.

12:01 PM
Ahh... sleep time.. WAIT A MINUTE! Where are my cars? Car? Car? Caaaarrrrrrr? Ah, there she is, Mommy I need my car. Yes, those 3 are good but I want my caaaarrr. Yes, the one with the surfboard on top, ahh perfect. Motorbike? Motorrrrrrbiiikkkke? Perfect. Now they all need to be lined up. Thank you Mommy. Ok Motorbike, let's cuddle. ZZZzzzzz.



Okay, you got me, Ezzy did not write this, but he actually did and does do all these things. And I wouldn't be surprised if his thought pattern went something like that. Every day is a new adventure for him and he has such wonder at how things work and are made. And sometimes he even makes up his own ways of how things are done. His daily rules ;) My life is good. Reaaally good. Although I may be a bit frustrated the moment he shoves a chair into the back of my legs and proceeds to scream and push as hard as he can so he can be at the counter helping me, I really do love his desire to learn. It is inspiring how attentive he can be and how much he remembers. Sometimes he is too attentive... He's started to flush the toilet with his feet since he saw me do that at a public bathroom and almost fell in the bathtub trying to reach the handle. I've had to learn to be careful how I react, what I say, what I climb on and where I put Julia. And yet it has been an amazing adventure so far. He makes me laugh every day and when he makes Jules laugh it makes me so grateful to have these two darlings. I love my job, and wouldn't want it any other way.
**Movie misquotes, Elf, Lego Movie, Nacho Libre**

Mr. Right for Me

Everyone said once you have kids sleeping in goes out the window. Well, maybe it does in a sense. I remember being single and sleeping til noon recovering from a late night out with friends. While I don't necessarily get that kind of solid sleep, I do get a break Saturday morning. Steven gets up with Ezzy, fixes him breakfast and sometimes even brings me breakfast as I nurse Jules in bed. I remember him doing the same things when we were first married. He used to write me notes on the white board we have on our fridge. He wrote me love notes on the bathroom mirror. I'd sneak love notes in his lunch. He'd come home with a boquet of flowers after I'd had a hard day/week. Sometimes it wasn't a boquet, sometimes it was just a flower he found on his bike ride home from school. We had a vase by the kitchen sink that he always tried to keep something in it. I recall coming home from work one day and seeing that he put an avacado pit in it haha. One time he put holly in it. I looked forward to his "flower fridays" to see what he would come home with. I was so in love and talking all the time about how lucky I was to have such a doting husband. I remember hearing things like, " Enjoy it while it lasts" and "Oh yeah, he does that now, just wait til real life hits." I was constantly reminded of how it was all going to end. At least, the newlywed bliss that made me feel like I was floating on a cloud all day. I remember late nights talking to Steven as we held eachother before we fell asleep. I'd start worrying, " When are the good times going to end? When's life going to get hard? I'm so happy right now, but will I always be? I don't want "real life" to start."



Well, "real life" did start. But it was beautiful. The trials that we have gone through the last three years have only made us closer. Steven still buys me flowers. He writes me notes that make me cry. (Nice notes guys, not mean ones!) And he tries harder every day to be a better husband and father. I try too, promise. He tells me I look beautiful when I haven't showered or an ounce of makeup on. He rubs my back as I make dinner and does the dishes without ever being asked. He works SO hard at school and he still makes time to do little things to make life easier. Esmond just adores his Daddy and it warms my heart to hear his giggles as Steve plays cars or reads books to him. Jules face lights up when he talks to her. His calmness keeps me in check and tones down my urge to freak out at everything. He truly is my better half.
This picture sums it up nicely. (Sorry honey, the adorableness of this must be shared!)
 


While I know he isn't perfect, he's my kind of perfect. I don't know how different my life would be had I not been married 3 years ago to my best friend. Growing up people always said to find Mr. Right. But I know he doesn't exist. There is not one man. There are many that are Mr. Rightforyou. And I'm grateful every day for having found mine.

Camping Reality. You can still have fun as a Momma

Ever been surrounded by nature and just felt that calm bliss that makes you feel like you haven't a care in the world? I have many times. But they are more spaced out and far between these days.

That's why I love to camp.

I was recently able to go camping with my little kiddos (Steven had school) and although it was a lot of work, those couple days out in nature made it all worth it. I was able to have Elsie and Benson, my younger siblings, come with me. It made all the difference to have them there. They were such an awesome help! I can't believe I was thinking of going alone with just the two babies! I will admit, that camping is definitely not as fun when you're the parent. I have such respect and awe of my mother who would go camping every summer with 1-10 kids depending on the year. SO much packing!!!  But she must've loved it or us enough to let us have such fun adventures.

I remember going to the Australian outback and camping in the middle of nowhere with deadly snakes, spiders and other pleasant poisonous wildlife. On one camping trip, we were camping in someones "backyard" for a week. (Awesome. Esmond has discovered backspace. He just deleted a few sentences with his hand in a sock.)

Sidenote: He has an obsession with socks lately. I don't know if it's a Michael Jackson thing, or a Captain Hook thing, but he can always be found with one sock on his hand. Sometimes he will try climbing furniture with socks on both his hands and I can't help but laugh at some of his wipe outs. They are usually his socks, but he has just stolen Julia's socks right off her feet to fuel his obsession. What a kid!

Anyway, back to the "backyard", we arrived in the middle of the night and drove in our land cruiser down the canyon wall to the bottom in the dark. I remember my Mom crying in the front seat, but I also remember having a blast as we cheered my Dad on with each drop that we felt as we descended into the canyon. In the morning, we looked at the steep cliff we had driven down and were amazed that we made it. The camping trip was a blast! Dad almost got bit by a deadly red belly snake, Jeremy stepped on something in the water that he was afraid was poisonous, and we ran out of water and had to boil it from the river we were camping by. And yet I still remember having so much fun roughing it with my siblings. I don't know how my parents slept at all! I'm going to try to keep the tradition of having at least one camping trip per year but I feel slightly pathetic as far as "roughing it" goes. I think I did all my crazy camping trips as a child. :)

I went to Honeymoon Bay in Cowichan Lake and it was just beautiful. There were showers, flush toilets and running water. The first night, I started thinking that every single sound was some one (most likely a murder or thief) either driving/walking into our campsite, or some animal directly outside our tent about to eat us all. I worked out defence tactics in my head all night which by morning made absolutely no sense. I also worried about some one rolling on top of Julia or a blanket somehow suffocating her. I checked her and Ezzy multiple times through the night to make sure they were warm/alive. And every one slept right through the night including Julia (I think that made me nervous as well).  The daylight brought safety and peace of mind, and I was able to thoroughly enjoy time playing in the water and sun for a whole half an hour! Haha. It could have been longer, but not by much. I didn't really think about how much I would be scouring the beach for a shady spot. Luckily it wasn't too hard to find. Nap time gave me freedom.

Ezzy napped on the ground next to Elsie, Jules slept in a camping chair, and I escaped to the water. It was a gorgeous day and I was able to do the same thing the next day as well! So wonderful to be able to float in the water and enjoy a little bit of freedom. Cooking "hot shmoes" over the camping stove (fire ban), hot chocolate, Mexican rummy, awesome chats with my seestor, and cuddly naps were some of the highlights of a fantastically successful camping trip. I can't wait to go again :)

Anybody have camping tips, or memorable trips?

Blunder of Blunder, Miracle of Miracles: Discovery of the "lacto- brain"

For any of you that are familiar with "The Fiddler on the Roof" you probably recognised the title as another one of my famous "misquotes." For those of you who don't know, the actual song words are "wonder of wonder, miracles of miracles" it's a song that I admit is the fast forward song in Fiddler on the Roof (much like "Climb Every Mountain" on Sound of Music) But I assure you I changed the words for a reason. I have been humming it for the last few days to get myself through life's blunders and to see what a miracle it is to be alive. And a miracle that my children are still alive...Sit back in your chairs and enjoy story that will make you feel like an amazing parent haha.

You know those shopping cart escalators that run parallel to the escalators? Have you ever noticed that there's a sign right before you push your cart on to it? Although I've seen it numerous times, I've still managed to send Ezzy in it... Twice. And both times I notice the sign that clearly shows a picture of a baby in a cart with an X through it JUST as the cart locks into the escalator. Now I have panicked before, but the panic I feel as a mother when I am completely and helplessly seeing my child in danger is pretty intense. Luckily, Esmond just sat there without moving a muscle and looked as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening. While I am SO extremely embarrassed that this has happened (x2) as I was experiencing all these feelings, I noticed two kinds of people. The first time I was alone and as I made guilty eye contact with others on the escalator I've gotten the dirtiest of looks and people shaking there heads at me. No looks of sympathy, or a "we've all been there, we understand what you're going through" kind of look. Just disgust on my ability as a mother. Jules was 3 weeks old, and it was then that I felt like I shouldn't have left the house so soon on my own. Luckily there was someone who worked there that was very sympathetic and assured me I wasn't the first one to do it. That made a world of a difference to me. The second time I was way too embarrassed to make eye contact with any one. Once was bad enough.

After those experiences I've realised that 4 or 5 years ago I may have had the same attitude as those observing me, although I probably would've laughed at the situation and not so much given the stink eye. But the effect would've been the same. I now can empathise with the exhausted, absentminded mothers who go through the list of their children's names, including the dog's before they get the right name. The mother's who draw a blank mid sentence and forget what they were trying to say, or walk into a room and forget what they needed. As a child I remember laughing at my mother as she called me "Meli-El-Je-Rebekah" and giggle as I'd see her walk in and out of a room two or 3 times  to try and jog her memory. I found it so funny at  the time and now I look back with empathy. My angel mother (my Father as well) always taught me to give others the benefit of the doubt and not judge and it's unfortunately not until I've felt the same loss of control that I've been able to really appreciate that counsel.

I recently had my last midwife appointment and I was lamenting to my midwife that I had lost my brain. I've always prided myself on being able to express myself, and since Julia was born, I've found that somehow my brain had turned to mush. I raise my hand to give a great comment in church and find myself struggling to find the words. I tell a funny story and I sound like Marlin the clownfish ( there was this sea mollusk...). My midwife then introduced me to the concept of "lacto-brain." It seems as though growing a baby, stretch marks and all the fun stuff that that entails, and then the delivery of this adorable little being and the feeling of being split in two isn't the only thing to look forward to. She said nursing mothers often experience what I am going through. Of all the things we have to let go of (our bodily image and control of it, etc.) WHY do we have to lose our brains as well?? Then it dawned on me. We may only have one child if we remembered it all with perfect detail. It isn't until we feel the first contraction the second baby that we truly realise what we have gotten ourselves into..... and we know what we have to do to get that baby out.

Classic toddler shot of Ezzy :)

Now I can see that lacto-brain is necessary, and we don't forget everything. Jules will be 8 weeks old tomorrow and I'm already hazy on the birth details. I remember the joy I felt as we found out she was a girl. Her first cries as she breathed her first gulps of air. The emotion we felt as we decided to name her after my Abuela (Grandmother). The smiles and excitement of Esmond as he met her for the first time as he said "baby" over and over again as he stroked her head. The soft gulps of satisfaction as she nurses and how she sighs when she sleeps (although she's noisy, it's adorable). Ezzy is becoming such a little cutie. He will copy everything I say and has the most adorable voice. When I'm frustrated with him, he looks up at me with a little twinkle in his eye and a goofy smile and I almost always have to choke back a giggle. These are the moments I hope to never forget. Although I find it frustrating to try and remember day to day things, it's the sweet, life changing moments that make everything worthwhile. So I guess, I can say to everyone of you, that I love you and "you've got a friend in me." No judgements here. Let's just love one another for the goodness in our hearts and not the blunders in life that we miraculously get through.

Love Bex

The undoing of a "Know it all" Mom

 It's been an interesting experience having a newborn in the house again. In some ways I feel like it wasn't that long ago that Esmond was this tiny, but in other ways it feels like an age away. One thing I have learnt for sure is that I'm really not as awesome a parent as I thought I was. Now I don't mean that in an entirely negative way, I guess what I mean is that I definitely don't know "it all". Let me explain...

 

Esmond was a very hungry, active, soft crier and he did not like being on his back for longer than 5 or 10 minutes. His Moro reflex or I often called it his Gollum reflex ( the way he'd flail and shake his arms and shriek would look just like when Gollum is getting tortured in Isengard and screams, "Baggins. Shire") would go off 30 or so times a day. He would be happily laying there and without any sounds or bumps his reflex would go off and he'd be screaming. Now, this screaming all day would probably get super exhausting to listen to if he didn't sound like a kitten mewing when he cried. It was most of the time so pathetic a cry that I almost giggled at the cuteness of it. ( Side note: I just had to take a break to rescue the Salad dressing from Esmond. He was drinking it straight from the bottle and saying "Num nummy!".... Yikes!) Of course it was still hard to listen to as a new momma so I naturally couldn't put him down for any significant amount of time. I ended up carrying or nursing him all day his first three-ish months of life. I remember days of Steven leaving for school and I'd be sitting on the couch and he'd come home and I was in the same state. Pure exhaustion from Ezzy nursing at least every hour and yet, pretty content to be free to stare at him and cuddle him. I was in love! I couldn't understand how some one could let their baby cry and not pick them up right away. Or how they would get stressed out with any of X, Y, Z situations. I thought I really knew what I was doing. I'd read books, and obsessed over pregnancy, delivery and newborns for nine months and I was a pro!
Then he started to get mobile, crawling and putting everything he could get his hands on in his mouth. This included little bits on the floor, in cracks, be it food or otherwise. And if he couldn't pick it up with his pincher fingers, no problem! He'd bend down his head and lick it off the floor. I'd like to say that I started cleaning my floor at least twice a day, but I didn't. I found myself missing the newborn stage where I could just cart him with me and he wouldn't get into stuff. By the time he was 6 months old I found myself wanting to get pregnant again. It's amazing how quickly we forget the pain of child birth! He was getting "so big/old too fast" I found myself thinking a lot. I realise in hindsight that I was saying that when he was only weeks old and I should have just enjoyed every minute of it! I didn't end up getting pregnant until Ezzy was a year old and then I was able to obsess over my favourite things again.
Enter Julia.

While the labour was shorter than with Esmond, I felt like I still had the pain condensed into a stronger version of my first labour. I had to deliver in a different position with Jules, and found myself thinking she was at least 12 lbs, because I was feeling as if I was never going to get her out. It was only a matter of minutes, but I was surprised yet again at how painful it was (the first time I seriously felt lied to as I was prepared to do the breathing I had practiced and once I hit transition, no amount of breathing was helping me get through the pain and all the birth videos I watched on Youtube had these calm mothers delivering so peacefully - I later recalled that I had turned the sound down in almost all these videos hahaha). Julia came out as was content to just sleep and poop the first day or so. After 9 meconium diapers, she FINALLY started to nurse properly, but I still had to wake her up and get her to feed as much as possible. She has always given me a 4 hour stretch at night and has sometimes given me as much as 6 hours! Absolutely heavenly! Esmond would only give me a max of 3 his first 6 months of life! Now, she does NOT have a cry like the mewing of a kitten. She has the cry of a banshee and is very clear about when she doesn't like something. I have had to let her cry many times while changing a poopy diaper (Esmond has discovered that kicking his legs makes it near impossible to change him) or any number of reasons, but I try as much as I can to not let it be for long. As each child is so different, each pregnancy, delivery, and newborn stage is so very different. I find myself constantly changing my opinion on "how things are" or "how things should be done." Had I just had one or the other, I would easily get very opinionated and feel like I had all the answers for all the new moms out there. I find myself significantly less judgemental and critical and have come to realise that all of us are just doing our best with what resources we have. With Esmond's easygoing, gentle personality, I thought it was all due to me being such an amazing mom. Now he's started doing things like throwing things, spitting, picking my Mom's unripe tomatoes, and getting into as many things as he can. And I'm understanding each day that I can do my best, but every child also goes through learning phases and I'm just here to help them learn. I'm so grateful for being able to learn compassion and respect for all mothers out there. You're all wonderful, and I'm proud to stand with you as we raise the next generation of heroes!
We can do it!

Love Bex